My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
