Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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