were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
