im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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