God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
