There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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