She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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