Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
