My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
