One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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