She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
