definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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