So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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