where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
