drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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