I heard we made out
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
