it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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