ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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