"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
