Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No subtext here. People are naked.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
