He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
