is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
