Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
