these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
