Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
