if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
