Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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