Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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