I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
