If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
