I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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