Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
