He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
