how can u be prego again
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
