I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
