I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
