the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
