it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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