Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
