well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
