He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
