You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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