i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
