I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
