i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
