i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
