Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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