I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
