if you like me you must not know who I am
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
