IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
