The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
