getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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