we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
